All too often, I give in to my inner 6 year old. Something happens that doesn't go quite the way I want it, and instead of acting like an adult, as I know I should, my inner 6 year old shows up with her fists at her side, yelling as loud as she can "No, I don't like this!" of like a kid with ADD on a sugar rush, I bounce up and down yelling "Look at me, look at me!"
Of course none of this is out loud, instead its all in my head and outwardly I seem angry, uninterested or just plain rude. I feel immediately ashamed of myself, because I should know better. I should be more Christlike; graceful, generous, and completely selfless; instead, I am graceless, selfish and petulant.
My acquaintances seem to be very forgiving but how long can that go on, before they give up on me, before they are tire of my poor behavior and poor attitude?
I try so hard to behave better, to try harder, to be an adult, but often not long after I run into that 6 year old girl again, fists at her side, yelling "No!"
How can I pretend to be happy when she is seemingly in control, that little girl, angry at the world, because she's not getting her way, desperate for acknowledgement and acceptance? How can I pretend that things are fine and going the way I expect them too?
The truth is I can't, it upsets me and frustrates me when life is not perfect. God promised an abundant life, not perfection at least not on this side of Heaven. "In this world you will have trouble, but I have overcome the world." That is such a promise. Christ guarantees that life won't be easy or always go my way but He has done everything needed to forgive my petulant childishness.
Thank God for such a promise. If it weren't for promises such as these, I'd have no hope at all and that sad little 6 year old girl would be in control all of the time instead of only occasionally when she proves stronger than my adult self.